Satire: CCLI buys licensing rights for the Psalms

Disclaimer: None of what you are about to read represents actual reality.  Never, ever, EVER would something like this happen.  I'm just trying my hand at some satire, that's all.  If you find yourself even remotely entertained, I will be pleased.

Having said that, you may proceed.  Enjoy!

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CCLI, the largest copyright corporation serving the Church today, holding the copyrights for tens of thousands of Christian songs, announced today that they have bought licensing rights for the book of Psalms.

"There are few songs as dear to the hearts of Christians as the Psalms", noted a CCLI spokesperson in an interview. "However, people were just butchering them. Take, for instance, Psalm 1:1 as paraphrased in the Message Bible.  It is obscured beyond belief.  That is why we are proud to announce that we have taken these beloved poems under our legal ownership. I assure you that, at only a small cost to you and your church, you will be able to enjoy them, pure and undefiled."

This move on CCLI's part was not without criticism, however. Pastor and Bible Teacher John MacArthur spoke out in a statement this evening stating that CCLI's move was "blasphemous".  Likewise, Paul Washer of HeartCry Missionary Society stated "we will not bow".  John Piper, in a manner reminiscent of his reaction to Rob Bell's book Love Wins, merely tweeted "Farewell, CCLI".

Also, an unidentified teenage blogger living in Canada, which is essentially the north pole as far as any American is concerned, challenged CCLI, saying: "Are you saying that if I read the Psalms without paying my copyright fee, you will send your copyright police into this frozen wasteland to punish me for it?  I dare you, bring it on! See if you can avoid the polar bears!"  He then proceeded to write a post in which he quoted and discussed the 119th psalm extensively.

When asked what would become of those who refused to pay CCLI a dime for their reading of the Psalms, the spokesperson continually changed the subject.  Reporters were also curiously unable to find out from whom the licensing rights of the Psalms were bought.  

When asked what their next move would be, CCLI informed reporters that they were considering "licensing the Song of Solomon and the Proverbs" in the "near future".